Fruit of the womb

Update on house hunting

2009-05-20T14:07:00.001+02:00

Sjoe i can't believe how difficult it is to find our ideal house. SO far we have viewed close to 50 houses yes you heard right 50 houses .We know that we wouldn't find our dream house but something that we can work on of course with a good price

80% of the house we view was terrible, i am sorry to say but some people taste ha!!!!!15% was workable but with small stands, we need atleast 1000sqm and only 5% suits us best. So far only two houses that we are interested on and the problem is the prices they are out of budget by R200k and R300k. House "A" that we definitely want to buy the seller is not under pressure to sell so not sure if the will accept the offer that is less by R200k. House "B" the seller is in financial strain the agent thinks that He will look at the lower offer, i did a deed search on the property the owner owes more than what we are prepare to offer.I spoke to the agent this morning about an offer to House "A" that we are prepare to give and she said i must put it in writing. I am hoping that the Seller will accept the offer. I am really tired of This and soon we will be homeless.

Health Clinic

2009-05-07T15:45:00.004+02:00

On Sunday I had an interesting conversation with one of pregnant ladies from the church. She told me that she has been TTC for 11yrs and she tried everything and nothing worked( She was diagnosed with unexplained infertility) until she tried a health clinic in Soweto and after three months of treatment she conceived and she due this month.

Three years ago I made a promise to myself that i am not going to run around looking for a miracle workers as i did in the past but after hearing this i decide that let me try it because at the moment i doing a project in Soweto and it is on my way. Yesterday I had my appointment , they use Iridology
for diagnosis. They discovered that i have clots in my womb which prevent enough blood flow in my womb. Afterwards i was did in a detox machine and then,the nice part was the body massage. I was given about seven bottle of different herbs and the follow up appointment is in four weeks.

Update!!!!

2009-05-06T09:06:00.002+02:00

Nothing much has happen since my last post i was working a lot, i don't even believe that all the long weekends has past without me enjoying them. I am so happy that things are now back to normal.

We are still hunting house, i can't believe how the property value has dropped it is a good time to buy. So we have decided not to rush into buying, the transfer of our current house will take place in about six weeks. This weekend we are viewing 4 properties and 2 bank repos so we will probably make an offer.As soon as we have sorted out the house thing we will start the adoption process.

Changes in POA

2009-04-24T08:43:00.002+02:00

Lot of things has happened this month but i haven't had much time to blog. The good news is that we got an offer on our property, so we are moving back to Pretoria i am so happy.

AF was due on Wednesday and yesterday she showed her ugly face in the early hours, the go my hopes for this cycle. Initially we decided that we will do another IVF this month but yesterday after a long chat with DH we decided not to go ahead. At this stage we are so busy early this month we got a big project, starting a new project it is very stressful that is why we are putting it on hold. Last year before we started with IVF DH wanted us to change clinics but i didn't want to do that because i love Vitalab but now i think is time for change. We have been with VL for over 3yrs now i will really miss them especially Dr J. We are thinking of finding a FS in Pretoria i know the are two clinics or more but i still do need some recommendations.

For now will continue with adoption process , i don't think the waiting list is that long for black babies.

Happy Birthday Sweetie

2009-04-16T08:39:00.006+02:00

To Oarona,

Wishing you a very happy day. I pray for you that God bless you with Divine Health and a sound mind. B and I love you so much you will always be our little girl.

From Here..

2009-04-06T10:36:00.002+02:00

Since our failed IVF DH and I haven't have talked, so this past weekend we went to the farm to relax and talk. Every time i am from the farm i feel like a brand new person. I am so relaxed.

So DH and I we talked about the POA,we decided that we will go ahead IVF next month will probably start with BCP in two weeks time provided that I am not pregnant(Ha Ha a girl can't stop hoping). Here are my POA's:
1. Eating Healthy
2. Drinking my 2,5 liters
3. Drinking Vitamins( I hate pills)
4. Exercising
5. Try Acupuncture
6. Lots of prayers and meditations

The other interesting topic that come up was adoption, i am glad that DH raised it because i didn't want to raise it because we did adopt at one stage and things didn't go well after a year she went back to BM. DH didn't want us to adopt at that time but i insisted. We will be starting the adoption process soon , i am so excited.

My faith in God

2009-03-31T17:46:00.004+02:00

This past week i was asking myself questions lots of why's , it was too hard for me to understand why I got BFN because i did everything right prayed, confessed and even gave up coffee. All these past Seven years what kept me sane was my faith to God, i know he loves me and he wants best for me. Always when things get tough i get comfort from Him, he is my strength and my refugee. When i speak to him it seems like he understand best.

I spend most of yesterday talking to God and you know what i am feeling much better and i have made peace with the failed IVF. I though about the farmer, he will sow a seed on the ground and when the time/season is right he will reap the harvest. So i know when the time is right i will also have my children. The bible says "the shall be no barren in thine land". I believe the word of God, because it is true and it will come pass in my life.

One of these days my life will be the testimony of the Grace of God.

What now....

2009-03-28T09:46:00.002+02:00

So yesterday i went to my follow up appointment with Dr J, we spent more than an hour with him but to tell you the truth it seems like most of the questions are still not answered. Basically Dr J said they will only have answers if we do another IVF. We got 12 eggs of which 9 fertilized which was fantastic news but the problem started after day 3, 7 eggs did not grow further. Even though we have 2 excellent embies but that does not exclude the issue of eggs quality. Again maybe it is just we had a bad bunch of eggs and next cycle it wouldn't happen. I hate this maybe things i need some answer. He also suggest that for our next cycle we use donor sperms for some eggs just to see the different between DH and donor.

So he have a lot to think about, especially coming to the issue of donor sperm, in my head the is this voice that what if we go ahead with donor sperm and we got the better quality than DH sperm what then...

DH wants us to do the next cycle right away but to tell the truth i am not sure if i am ready yet. I am still feeling sorry for myself my heart is so sore, i have been eating like a pig which make things worse. I just which that i can sleep away this problem.

Why it has to be so hard, to make thing worst my mother in law is now on our case. she has been suggesting that we go to see the Inyanga(traditional healer) , now she is pushing the issue. I am willing to do everything to have children but traditional healers is a NO NO.

BIG FAT NEGATIVE

2009-03-26T18:13:00.003+02:00

Yesterday i tested and it was negative. I am going to see Dr J tomorrow and will see what is POA(plan of actions) Thank you Shaz, Lizzy, Nina, Lindi, Kholiwe, Ina, Isabel,Angie and Magda for all you support. May the good God continue to bless you all.

Spotting

2009-03-24T18:30:00.000+02:00

I started spotting this afternoon and immediatly i did HPT and it came -tive. So the PMS was i sign that AF was on her way, i am going for blood test tomorrow morning not looking forward to more needles. I

Believe it or not

2009-03-20T16:20:00.004+02:00

I have't POAS it has been 12 days since ET, ok today it did cross my mind to do it but I didn't. When i started the IVF process i promise myself that i will only POAS on the day of blood test. Thank you so much for all the sms and emails, in the beginning i wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell people that i know but I am happy that i did your support means so much to me. I am just surprise that you're unable to post responds, I am not really an expert in this computer thing so sorry i can't help there .

My blood test is schedule for Thursday(26). Today AF is due so awake up with full force of PMS, not sure if it really PMS on it is i my mind. I am trying not read anything from it.

The reason that i have't POAS is that these past 3 yrs the HPT's has played mind games with me.
1. The was this one time AF was late about 2 days and i did the HPT it was + and after 3hrs AF showed up .
2. In 2007 and 2008 i did 3 AI's in all of them i got + in HPT but come test day AF just showed up
3. Last December my IVF was cancelled due to over stimulation, AF was suppose to arrive mid January and a week later i tested with 3 different brands and guess what all of them was positive and the following day AF arrived

So you see want i mean about POAS, it seems like i trigger AF if i do them. I know some of you wanted to know how much it cost me for IVF . At the Clinic I payed just under R32K plus R4k for Meds from Dischem so all in all i payed R36k which including R7,8k for IVIG( the drip that i needed because DH and I share Similar antigens) if it was not for the IVIG i should have spend just under R29k. The bloods was covered by MA about R1k.,i did alot of blood test because i was closely monitored.

Exactly three years....

2009-03-17T18:15:00.004+02:00

I was looking at my 2006 diary this morning and i had an 7 wks scan appointment. I can clearly remember that day i was so happy looking forward on seeing my baby but my happiness did not last for long. When i saw the expression on the Dr G i knew that something was wrong. The heart beat was there but the growth was behind by almost 2 wks. Exactly 4 days i started bleeding and the scan revealed that the baby has past on.

I was so angry with the myself and the Drs. , i remember when i went for DC i did want to wake up. It was so hard felt like a failure. We later on find out that DH and I share similar antigens. We were so relieved and started TTC immediately and ........ still no Babies.

Only two Embies made it to ET...

2009-03-12T14:44:00.003+02:00

ET went well this morning, yesterday when i phoned the clinic they told me that all nine embies are doing well so this morning i was shocked to hear that only two have divided nicely. So we transferred two . "I am officially pregnant with twins" i have name them Seetja(means Light) and Tefo( Reward). Call me crazy but i am stay optimistic and positive that they will continue to develop to beautiful babies.

My nine Babies are doing well

2009-03-11T15:14:00.002+02:00

Yippe my babies are doing well(OK i know they are called embryos at this stage ). I have to report to VL tomorrow morning for possible ET. I was so happy to just hear that my babies are doing well i didn't even ask about grading.

9 Fertilised

2009-03-10T15:41:00.005+02:00

Yesterday i had ER and we harvested 12 eggs, i am giving God the glory for the nine that fertilised. I have to phone tomorrow to find out the progress.

Trigger tonight

2009-03-07T16:13:00.003+02:00

So far so good with the IVF process, i am doing the trigger thing tonight. I am not really sure about the no. of follicles i have. Last Sunday when i did my first scan i had 11 bigger follicles, i was not really paying a lot of attention since then. I just told myself that if the Dr is happy i am happy. This time i made a promise to myself that i am not going to worry a lot but pray a lot .

On Thursday i had IVIG drip because DH and I share similar antigens which was the cause of my miscarriages. It was long four hours atleast hubby was there to keep me come company.

Thank God i am done with the injections.

Day 2 of Stims

2009-02-25T15:24:00.002+02:00

IVF process has officially started, my first injection was yesterday. I am so praying hard that this is it for us, it has to be. I am still maintaining my confession that THIS IVF IS A SUCCESS. I am giving everything that i have for this, i am using my stubborn faith to receive my miracle babies.

I know that if you're reading this you think that i am not realistic considering the fact that the success rates of IVF is about 40%. In my life i have always had plan B that if this doesn't work i will do this. This time i don't have a plan B , i am using my faith to make this to be a success. Faith make things to be possible.

Where is AF

2009-02-19T14:28:00.002+02:00

I was hoping that AF will arrive today because this is my third day since i finished the BCP. Last time it came exactly on day 3 , i was really hoping that if it arrive today and tomorrow i will go to VL for scan. I really hate the traffic during the week and i am not a morning person.

Waiting Patiently.......for AF

2009-02-19T13:23:00.002+02:00

My last BCP was yesterday , i am now waiting for AF . Strange enough i never thought in my life that i will wait or be happy to see her.

This time around i am so emotionally prepared for IVF, I feel peace about the whole process . Last time was very different it seems like i am doing something wrong which was not according to God's will for me. I know about four people personally who did IVF and i never had a problem with them doing it and I even prayed for them but for me it was different it seems like i was playing God or doing something that is against to God's will.

The whole of January i did a lot of praying and studying about Infertility God's way. I am so happy that AF took about seven weeks to arrive because it gave me time to come in terms with everything and to know the purpose of God about my life.

The bible says" We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken, we also believe, and therefore Speak" 2 Cor 4:13

So I going to speak here it goes " I DECLARE THAT MY IVF IS A SUCCESS"

So Sad....

2009-02-18T13:42:00.002+02:00

My SIL phoned me yesterday to tell me that her DH wants a divorce it is so sad. I always knew that this will happen one day but i thought the other way around, the guy never showed love or respect to my SIL . I wouldn't get in to details but my SIL is so hurt she really loved the guy.

It has been long...

2009-02-17T10:52:00.000+02:00

Sjoe i don't believe how time has flown, i was so busy i didn't have time to post anything. So a lot of things has happened.

After my cancelled IVF it took for ever for AF to arrived so i did three HPT which came out +tive but very faint, Boom AF arrived. Started with BCP on the 29 January the last pill is on Wednesday then i will start with second round of IVF. This time around they have reduce the Menopur to 3 amp a day instead of 4 amp last time. I am doing Cetrotite instead of Lucrin.

Strange enough but i am still enjoying the gym, for last month i lost 23 cm all over my body. When i did the assessment i only needed to lose 14cm , about 10cm in my hips but in that department i only lost 4cm, so i need to work on my Hips.

My friend that got married in December she is pregnant, yes she is. She was pregnant before she got married but she didn't tell me a thing. Just before the wedding she gained a lot of weight, i didn't think that she was pregnant it didn't even cross my mind. Now she ignoring me, i know she feel guilty because we are Christians NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. I will not judge her, no one is perfect and God is Just to forgive our sins. I just wish that as a friend she could have told me something but she just ignoring me always in a hurry. We see each other at church and unfortunately she can't hide it because she looks like five to six months pregnant. My DH said i must leave it if she want to tell me she will come to me.

Gym here I come!!

2009-01-09T12:11:00.000+02:00

Today will be my first day at gym, never been in a gym before. I am just happy that is only 30 minutes. I really need some displine in that department of keeping fit. Yesterday i did figure analysis need to lose 14 cm and 5% body fat. My BMI is ok .

New year, New beginnings

2009-01-08T18:06:00.000+02:00

Sjoe I am so happy that 2008 is gone that was really bad year for me, I trust 2009 will be better that 2009. This is my seventh year in marriage, seven is the number of completeness and perfection. I trust that my family will be complete this year.

My resolution for this year is to be happy, be fulfil in every area of my life. I am not going to allow guilt to consume me like it did over the years especially last year. Everyday of 2009 i am going to remind myself that this is not my fault, i didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. Here is to a happy 2009!!!

Today i joined the gym, i really need to keep fit and healthy this year. After my cancelled IVF in December i found comfort in food and gained 3kg. Luckily i lost 2kg during my year end fast so atleast i don't need to work very hard in weight loss just being healthy.

The way Forward

2008-12-26T18:18:00.000+02:00

After my canceled IVF early this month i felt like i have lost another pregnancy, I really believed that this is it for us. Everyday when i inject myself, all i was thinking about is pregnancy for Christmas it will have been a nice gift. I couldn't believe what i went through, my hormones where all over the place, poor DH .

Last week Friday i did a scan, my ovaries are still big. I am patiently waiting for AF then need to phone VL. All this time i was trying to figure out why things went so terribly wrong, we even cancel our holidays .

At least today i can thing clearly, i need to get my life back on track do what i do best GIVING. I am done with feeling sorry for myself it really doesn't help. I have gain 3kg of weight, i am emotional eater. So tomorrow I am hitting the shops to spend the holiday money on the least fortunate. I going to buy food for street kids.

The way forward: Spend time in Prayer for God guidance and Strength.

IVF CANCELLED

2008-12-06T23:04:00.000+02:00

This morning i did E2 blood test which still show the high levels, Dr J decided that we must cancel the IVF. My heart was so sore it was like something has been riped out of my chest, I really lost it infront of Dr J.

The main reason why dr J decided to cancel the IVF is because i am at risk of having OHSS after the ER. I google OHSS and found this info

Symptoms
Symptoms are set into 3 categories: mild, moderate, and severe and some others. Mild symptoms include abdominal bloating and feeling of fullness, nausea, diarrhea, and slight weight gain. Moderate symptoms include excessive weight gain (weight gain of greater than 2 pounds per day), increased abdominal girth, vomiting, diarrhea, darker urine and less in amount, excessive thirst, and skin and/or hair feeling dry (in addition to mild symptoms). Severe symptoms are fullness/bloating above the waist, shortness of breath, urination significantly darker or has ceased, calf and chest pains, marked abdominal bloating or distention, and lower abdominal pains (in addition to mild and moderate symptoms).

Classification
In mild forms of OHSS the ovaries are enlarged, in moderate forms there is additional accumulation of ascites with mild abdominal distension, while in severe forms of OHSS there may be hemoconcentration, thrombosis, abdominal pain and distension, oliguria (decreased urine production), pleural effusion, and respiratory distress. Early OHSS develops before pregnancy testing, and late OHSS is seen in early pregnancy

Complications
OHSS may be complicated with ovarian torsion, ovarian rupture, thrombophlebitis and renal insufficiency. Symptoms generally resolve in 1 to 2 weeks, but will be more severe and persist longer if pregnancy is successful. This is likely due to the role of the corpus luteum in the ovaries in sustaining the pregnancy before the placenta has fully developed. Typically, even in severe OHSS with a developing pregnancy, the duration does not exceed the first trimester.

Pathophysiology
OHSS is characterized by the presence of multiple luteinized cysts within the ovaries leading to ovarian enlargement and secondary complications.
As the ovary undergoes a process of extensive luteinization, large amounts of estrogens, progesterone, and local cytokines are released. It is held that vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF) is a key substance that induces OHSS by making local capillaries "leaky", leading to a shift of fluids from the intravascular system to the abdominal and pleural cavity. Thus, while the patient accumulates fluid in the third space, primarily in the form of ascites, she actually becomes hypovolemic and is at risk for respiratory, circulatory, and renal problems. Patients who are pregnant sustain the ovarian luteinization process by the production of hCG.

Epidemiology
Sporadic OHSS is very rare, and may have a genetic component. Clomifene citrate therapy can occasionally lead to OHSS, but the vast majority of cases develop after use of gonadotropin therapy (with administration of FSH), such as Pergonal, and administration of hCG to trigger ovulation, often in conjunction with IVF. The frequency varies and depends on patient factors, management, and methods of surveillance. About 5% of treated patients may encounter moderate to severe OHSS.
Mortality is low, but several fatal cases have been reported.

Treatment
Physicians can reduce the risk of OHSS by monitoring of FSH therapy to use this medication judiciously, and by withholding hCG medication. Once OHSS develops, reduction in physical activity, closely monitoring fluid and electrolyte balance, and aspiration of accumulated fluid (ascites) from the abdominal/pleural cavity may be necessary, as well as opioids for the pain. If the OHSS develops within an IVF protocol, it can be prudent to postpone transfer of the pre-embryos since establishment of pregnancy can lengthen the recovery time or contribute to a more severe course. Over time, if carefully monitored, the condition will naturally reverse to normal - so treatment is typically supportive, although patient may need to be treated or hospitalized for pain, paracentesis, and/or intravenous hydration

My ovaries are still producing eggs even though i stop with the medication on Wednesday. Here is the breakdown of

Monday 10 follicles

Wednesday 14 follicles

Friday 16 follicles

Saturday 20 follicles

I used 4 amps of menopur per day for 10 days.

To think that i went throught this , for nothing all i am left with is painful ovaries. And to top it all about R10 000.00 down the drain. This is really not fair.

SKY HIGH LEVELS

2008-12-05T14:46:00.000+02:00

On Wednesday i did the second scan and Dr J was so impressed about the growth and the lining, the number of bigger follicles increased from ten to fifteen. Yesterday I did the E2 blood test and the result came back sky high, so i went for another scan and the blood test . The level are still high, praying very hard that my level go down tomorrow. I have already stopped with the menopur my last shot was on Wednesday. Dr J was hoping to do the egg retrieval on Sunday but it seems like my ovaries are working very hard.

I always wonder that what will happen if is see someone that i knew at VL particularly from black community(I hate to classify people by colour). Why i am saying this is because within the black community infertility is deemed as a curse, people don't talk about it. The is still a stigma around this. Yesterday when i went for the bloods i saw someone that i knew, i could even see that she knew me but i couldn't remember from where. Well when the sister call her name i remembered her.

For me is so easy to talk to a white lady about this, even if the are fertile but they have an open mind. When i went for Lap in October i told my friend about it, she did understand why must i expose my body to this . She even bought me a book by Pastor David Oyedepo, he says i quote" until you become a committed seeker of God, your search for children will be futile''

Is the something wrong about my faith to God, no i don't think so. Is God punishing me, no i don't think so. I love God and I know that he love me so much and he will give me my miracle children.

First Follicle scan

2008-12-01T17:37:00.000+02:00

I had a great weekend the bridal shower went well and my friend was so happy for what we did for her. So this morning I went for my first scan and we found ten follicles, five from each side measuring 13mm. The scan queue was so long , it was full at VL. The one thing that i hate is a queue but this is for good course , i will do anything just to have the baby even sit on a queue for all most 2hrs. fortunately for me i had a book that i was reading, it was not a good book but at least it keep my mind occupied.

I saw this book from a friend, what attracted me is " After trying for Six years Now I am pregnant with twins".

Day 3 of Stimms

2008-11-26T13:29:00.000+02:00

So today i mixed the injections like a pro, maybe i have to consider changing careers. Being a Nurse..hmm!!! coming to think about it I always wanted to be a Nurse, i could see myself wearing those white dress . It will be really interesting to be a fertility nurse, ok let me stop now the next i will be filling application forms to study Nursing.

I am doing the final touches of the Bridal shower for my friend for Saturday, I don't even have an idea how am I going to get her to the venue.of the bridal shower. I was thinking that i will tell we are going to do nails and it was my treat but she beat me on it she did them yesterday eish not good. Any ideas??.

I started with Menopur today

2008-11-24T18:25:00.000+02:00

I went for scan this morning and everything is looking good so i started with stims. The injection was really eina, I am not looking forward for tomorrow because i will be doing it myself.

I am so impress with SARS, i did hubby tax return with efilling last Sunday and today he Got his money. I wish i have done mine also electronically, so hubby gave me some money to spend on myself.

Baby Boom

2008-11-23T19:50:00.000+02:00

This morning 4am i got a text message that three ladies from our church just had their babies and i must organise the gifts for them. It seems like every third lady at our church is pregnat. I so trust that with this IVF i will get my BFP and join the preggy team.

Tomorrow i am going for scan need to leave my house by 05h30 to beat the traffic i am not a morning person i always struggle when i have to go to VL.

She is finally here.....

2008-11-21T10:56:00.000+02:00

AF arrived early this morning i am so happy to see her, i know it very strange. I am going to VL Monday for scan, hopefully i will start with menopur.

This morning strange thing happen my Maid told me that God told her to pray for three for a baby and give an offering of 5 cents to the church. I really trust in God and if is what he want for me i will do it.

Hectic Weekend

2008-11-17T17:50:00.001+02:00

As i was about to prepare super on Saturday evening, my arms was so painful which became unbearable. I tried put to some ice and hot water but nothing help I never felt so much pain in my life. I was crying feeling sorry for myself poor DH wanted to take me to hospital but I refuse. I started praying, declaring healing in my arms after 2 hrs, I started feeling better praise be to God.

After few minutes my uncle called informing me that my cousin has just had her baby, I was hoping that before she gave birth i will be pregnat. Ha!!! wishful thinking to top it all she still very young 19yrs old . I practically brough her up she and my younger brother they like my children never even consider her as my cousin but a daughter to me. From a tender age i use to love children, i saw myself as a mother with a very big family. DH and I decide that we will have four Children and will adopt two on our mid fourties. I just pray that atleast with my IVF i conceive twins. Will love to have triplets.

At our Church I am teaching children church, i love those children my Sundays is full of hugs and kisses something to look forward to. I have identical triplets on my class they are so cute.

I got menopur script on friday, so today went to dischem to get them to my shock their supplier do supply it. I thought the go my R3100 saving from menopur, the pharmacist was so kind to phone around for me and i got them from clicks pharmacy with almost the same price. So far I saves R700 from Lucrin and R3100 from menopur. I really can't understand why Vitalab is so expensive, anyway thank God for Veli.

Exodus 23:25-26

Long Protocol IVF

2008-11-15T16:45:00.000+02:00

I started with Lucrin injection yesterday, it was not bad as I imagine. I just had a terrible day yesterday not sure if it was side effect from lucrin but today I feeling great spend the whole day cleaning my house.

I am so alone

2008-11-12T10:01:00.000+02:00

I have been so busy haven't have time to post. I am doing my own books for my company, thank God because i am finished now i can concentrate on other things.

I am starting my first injection of Lucrin on Friday, i really don't believe that this is really happening sometimes i fell like i can pitch myself. Why things are so complicated for some of us?? I really feel so alone with this whole process of IVF, no one to share my feeling with other that my DH. I phone my one friend that i grew up with on Sunday but i couldn't bring myself to tell her, at this stage i don't need some negative comments.

My other friend she is getting married in December, i don't want to bore her with my IVF i just want her to enjoy planning her wedding which i am helping her with. My mom on the other side i can't really speak to her because she believe that i have to let nature take its course.

from my family side no one has problem in having children, so is me, me alone. My in laws at least they understand our pain. My DH has two sisters, one has one child and the other one has none. I wish i can speak to her but she so reserve i don't even know how to approach her.

So I am all alone in this, knowing me i just love to talk but also i don't want to be hurt.

Reach out Southern Africa

2008-11-01T17:25:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was month end, I was not working which was good for me. I had terrible headache since I started minulette, hope it will subside as time go on.

Today it was a big day for our church, we are distributing 2 million free copies of our daily devotional( Rhapsody of Realities) to the Southern Africa. As we distribute the ROR people where so exited to receive the word of God, it was so fulfilling it made me to feel good about myself. The smile in people face made my heart melt.

Message for today:
You're a Victor in Christ Jesus

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ(1 Cor 15 : 57)

Prayer
"Dear Father, thank you for bringing me forth into a life of continous victory. I refuse to be subjected to crippling principles of the world, because i walk in the light of my victory today and everyday,in the mighty Name of Lord Jesus Christ. Amen."

It is really happening

2008-10-29T08:53:00.000+02:00

I started my birth control pill this morning, apparently i need to take them to aid my ovaries to rest for 21 days ( poor things they have been working non stop for the past 33 yrs)

It is very strange that for the first time in my life i am using the birth control pills, i remember when i was in tertiary years back my roommate told me that birth control are good for pot plant. I went to the clinic to get pills for my plants so that they can be fertile( ha ha ha). I am not really sure if the pill was working but what i know is that my flowers where looking good.

New day

2008-10-27T15:57:00.000+02:00

I never thought that this day will ever come for me to prepare myself for IVF. It was so hard getting out of bed this morning was suppose to get up at 05h30 , it is 07h02 still struggling to get up my body is aching i hope i can sleep the whole day but i have a meeting . Finally is 07h05 and I am hitting the shower.

It is almost 8am and i am running late but i need to start my day right. Praying, my daily confession and my daily devotion.

I am currently meditating on Psalm 127 ; 3 " lo, children are heritage of the Lord and the fruit of my womb.."

I spend almost two hrs at dischem, I opted to get all my IVF medicine at Dischem not at Vitalab. I am going to save about R3500. The Pharmacist was so nice and helpful( God Bless her) with the quotation. I have order my first pack of Lucrin will be it getting it tomorrow.