The way Forward

After my canceled IVF early this month i felt like i have lost another pregnancy, I really believed that this is it for us. Everyday when i inject myself, all i was thinking about is pregnancy for Christmas it will have been a nice gift. I couldn't believe what i went through, my hormones where all over the place, poor DH .

Last week Friday i did a scan, my ovaries are still big. I am patiently waiting for AF then need to phone VL. All this time i was trying to figure out why things went so terribly wrong, we even cancel our holidays .

At least today i can thing clearly, i need to get my life back on track do what i do best GIVING. I am done with feeling sorry for myself it really doesn't help. I have gain 3kg of weight, i am emotional eater. So tomorrow I am hitting the shops to spend the holiday money on the least fortunate. I going to buy food for street kids.

The way forward: Spend time in Prayer for God guidance and Strength.

IVF CANCELLED

This morning i did E2 blood test which still show the high levels, Dr J decided that we must cancel the IVF. My heart was so sore it was like something has been riped out of my chest, I really lost it infront of Dr J.



The main reason why dr J decided to cancel the IVF is because i am at risk of having OHSS after the ER. I google OHSS and found this info

Symptoms
Symptoms are set into 3 categories: mild, moderate, and severe and some others. Mild symptoms include abdominal bloating and feeling of fullness, nausea, diarrhea, and slight weight gain. Moderate symptoms include excessive weight gain (weight gain of greater than 2 pounds per day), increased abdominal girth, vomiting, diarrhea, darker urine and less in amount, excessive thirst, and skin and/or hair feeling dry (in addition to mild symptoms). Severe symptoms are fullness/bloating above the waist, shortness of breath, urination significantly darker or has ceased, calf and chest pains, marked abdominal bloating or distention, and lower abdominal pains (in addition to mild and moderate symptoms).

Classification
In mild forms of OHSS the ovaries are enlarged, in moderate forms there is additional accumulation of ascites with mild abdominal distension, while in severe forms of OHSS there may be hemoconcentration, thrombosis, abdominal pain and distension, oliguria (decreased urine production), pleural effusion, and respiratory distress. Early OHSS develops before pregnancy testing, and late OHSS is seen in early pregnancy



Complications
OHSS may be complicated with ovarian torsion, ovarian rupture, thrombophlebitis and renal insufficiency. Symptoms generally resolve in 1 to 2 weeks, but will be more severe and persist longer if pregnancy is successful. This is likely due to the role of the corpus luteum in the ovaries in sustaining the pregnancy before the placenta has fully developed. Typically, even in severe OHSS with a developing pregnancy, the duration does not exceed the first trimester.

Pathophysiology
OHSS is characterized by the presence of multiple luteinized cysts within the ovaries leading to ovarian enlargement and secondary complications.
As the ovary undergoes a process of extensive luteinization, large amounts of estrogens, progesterone, and local cytokines are released. It is held that vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF) is a key substance that induces OHSS by making local capillaries "leaky", leading to a shift of fluids from the intravascular system to the abdominal and pleural cavity. Thus, while the patient accumulates fluid in the third space, primarily in the form of ascites, she actually becomes hypovolemic and is at risk for respiratory, circulatory, and renal problems. Patients who are pregnant sustain the ovarian luteinization process by the production of hCG.

Epidemiology
Sporadic OHSS is very rare, and may have a genetic component. Clomifene citrate therapy can occasionally lead to OHSS, but the vast majority of cases develop after use of gonadotropin therapy (with administration of FSH), such as Pergonal, and administration of hCG to trigger ovulation, often in conjunction with IVF. The frequency varies and depends on patient factors, management, and methods of surveillance. About 5% of treated patients may encounter moderate to severe OHSS.
Mortality is low, but several fatal cases have been reported.

Treatment
Physicians can reduce the risk of OHSS by monitoring of FSH therapy to use this medication judiciously, and by withholding hCG medication. Once OHSS develops, reduction in physical activity, closely monitoring fluid and electrolyte balance, and aspiration of accumulated fluid (ascites) from the abdominal/pleural cavity may be necessary, as well as opioids for the pain. If the OHSS develops within an IVF protocol, it can be prudent to postpone transfer of the pre-embryos since establishment of pregnancy can lengthen the recovery time or contribute to a more severe course. Over time, if carefully monitored, the condition will naturally reverse to normal - so treatment is typically supportive, although patient may need to be treated or hospitalized for pain, paracentesis, and/or intravenous hydration



My ovaries are still producing eggs even though i stop with the medication on Wednesday. Here is the breakdown of

Monday 10 follicles

Wednesday 14 follicles

Friday 16 follicles

Saturday 20 follicles

I used 4 amps of menopur per day for 10 days.

To think that i went throught this , for nothing all i am left with is painful ovaries. And to top it all about R10 000.00 down the drain. This is really not fair.

SKY HIGH LEVELS

On Wednesday i did the second scan and Dr J was so impressed about the growth and the lining, the number of bigger follicles increased from ten to fifteen. Yesterday I did the E2 blood test and the result came back sky high, so i went for another scan and the blood test . The level are still high, praying very hard that my level go down tomorrow. I have already stopped with the menopur my last shot was on Wednesday. Dr J was hoping to do the egg retrieval on Sunday but it seems like my ovaries are working very hard.



I always wonder that what will happen if is see someone that i knew at VL particularly from black community(I hate to classify people by colour). Why i am saying this is because within the black community infertility is deemed as a curse, people don't talk about it. The is still a stigma around this. Yesterday when i went for the bloods i saw someone that i knew, i could even see that she knew me but i couldn't remember from where. Well when the sister call her name i remembered her.



For me is so easy to talk to a white lady about this, even if the are fertile but they have an open mind. When i went for Lap in October i told my friend about it, she did understand why must i expose my body to this . She even bought me a book by Pastor David Oyedepo, he says i quote" until you become a committed seeker of God, your search for children will be futile''



Is the something wrong about my faith to God, no i don't think so. Is God punishing me, no i don't think so. I love God and I know that he love me so much and he will give me my miracle children.

First Follicle scan

I had a great weekend the bridal shower went well and my friend was so happy for what we did for her. So this morning I went for my first scan and we found ten follicles, five from each side measuring 13mm. The scan queue was so long , it was full at VL. The one thing that i hate is a queue but this is for good course , i will do anything just to have the baby even sit on a queue for all most 2hrs. fortunately for me i had a book that i was reading, it was not a good book but at least it keep my mind occupied.

I saw this book from a friend, what attracted me is " After trying for Six years Now I am pregnant with twins".

Day 3 of Stimms

So today i mixed the injections like a pro, maybe i have to consider changing careers. Being a Nurse..hmm!!! coming to think about it I always wanted to be a Nurse, i could see myself wearing those white dress . It will be really interesting to be a fertility nurse, ok let me stop now the next i will be filling application forms to study Nursing.

I am doing the final touches of the Bridal shower for my friend for Saturday, I don't even have an idea how am I going to get her to the venue.of the bridal shower. I was thinking that i will tell we are going to do nails and it was my treat but she beat me on it she did them yesterday eish not good. Any ideas??.

I started with Menopur today

I went for scan this morning and everything is looking good so i started with stims. The injection was really eina, I am not looking forward for tomorrow because i will be doing it myself.

I am so impress with SARS, i did hubby tax return with efilling last Sunday and today he Got his money. I wish i have done mine also electronically, so hubby gave me some money to spend on myself.

Baby Boom

This morning 4am i got a text message that three ladies from our church just had their babies and i must organise the gifts for them. It seems like every third lady at our church is pregnat. I so trust that with this IVF i will get my BFP and join the preggy team.

Tomorrow i am going for scan need to leave my house by 05h30 to beat the traffic i am not a morning person i always struggle when i have to go to VL.

She is finally here.....

AF arrived early this morning i am so happy to see her, i know it very strange. I am going to VL Monday for scan, hopefully i will start with menopur.

This morning strange thing happen my Maid told me that God told her to pray for three for a baby and give an offering of 5 cents to the church. I really trust in God and if is what he want for me i will do it.

Hectic Weekend

As i was about to prepare super on Saturday evening, my arms was so painful which became unbearable. I tried put to some ice and hot water but nothing help I never felt so much pain in my life. I was crying feeling sorry for myself poor DH wanted to take me to hospital but I refuse. I started praying, declaring healing in my arms after 2 hrs, I started feeling better praise be to God.

After few minutes my uncle called informing me that my cousin has just had her baby, I was hoping that before she gave birth i will be pregnat. Ha!!! wishful thinking to top it all she still very young 19yrs old . I practically brough her up she and my younger brother they like my children never even consider her as my cousin but a daughter to me. From a tender age i use to love children, i saw myself as a mother with a very big family. DH and I decide that we will have four Children and will adopt two on our mid fourties. I just pray that atleast with my IVF i conceive twins. Will love to have triplets.

At our Church I am teaching children church, i love those children my Sundays is full of hugs and kisses something to look forward to. I have identical triplets on my class they are so cute.

I got menopur script on friday, so today went to dischem to get them to my shock their supplier do supply it. I thought the go my R3100 saving from menopur, the pharmacist was so kind to phone around for me and i got them from clicks pharmacy with almost the same price. So far I saves R700 from Lucrin and R3100 from menopur. I really can't understand why Vitalab is so expensive, anyway thank God for Veli.

Exodus 23:25-26

Long Protocol IVF

I started with Lucrin injection yesterday, it was not bad as I imagine. I just had a terrible day yesterday not sure if it was side effect from lucrin but today I feeling great spend the whole day cleaning my house.

I am so alone

I have been so busy haven't have time to post. I am doing my own books for my company, thank God because i am finished now i can concentrate on other things.



I am starting my first injection of Lucrin on Friday, i really don't believe that this is really happening sometimes i fell like i can pitch myself. Why things are so complicated for some of us?? I really feel so alone with this whole process of IVF, no one to share my feeling with other that my DH. I phone my one friend that i grew up with on Sunday but i couldn't bring myself to tell her, at this stage i don't need some negative comments.



My other friend she is getting married in December, i don't want to bore her with my IVF i just want her to enjoy planning her wedding which i am helping her with. My mom on the other side i can't really speak to her because she believe that i have to let nature take its course.



from my family side no one has problem in having children, so is me, me alone. My in laws at least they understand our pain. My DH has two sisters, one has one child and the other one has none. I wish i can speak to her but she so reserve i don't even know how to approach her.



So I am all alone in this, knowing me i just love to talk but also i don't want to be hurt.

Reach out Southern Africa

Yesterday was month end, I was not working which was good for me. I had terrible headache since I started minulette, hope it will subside as time go on.

Today it was a big day for our church, we are distributing 2 million free copies of our daily devotional( Rhapsody of Realities) to the Southern Africa. As we distribute the ROR people where so exited to receive the word of God, it was so fulfilling it made me to feel good about myself. The smile in people face made my heart melt.

Message for today:
You're a Victor in Christ Jesus

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ(1 Cor 15 : 57)

Prayer
"Dear Father, thank you for bringing me forth into a life of continous victory. I refuse to be subjected to crippling principles of the world, because i walk in the light of my victory today and everyday,in the mighty Name of Lord Jesus Christ. Amen."

It is really happening

I started my birth control pill this morning, apparently i need to take them to aid my ovaries to rest for 21 days ( poor things they have been working non stop for the past 33 yrs)

It is very strange that for the first time in my life i am using the birth control pills, i remember when i was in tertiary years back my roommate told me that birth control are good for pot plant. I went to the clinic to get pills for my plants so that they can be fertile( ha ha ha). I am not really sure if the pill was working but what i know is that my flowers where looking good.

New day

I never thought that this day will ever come for me to prepare myself for IVF. It was so hard getting out of bed this morning was suppose to get up at 05h30 , it is 07h02 still struggling to get up my body is aching i hope i can sleep the whole day but i have a meeting . Finally is 07h05 and I am hitting the shower.

It is almost 8am and i am running late but i need to start my day right. Praying, my daily confession and my daily devotion.

I am currently meditating on Psalm 127 ; 3 " lo, children are heritage of the Lord and the fruit of my womb.."

I spend almost two hrs at dischem, I opted to get all my IVF medicine at Dischem not at Vitalab. I am going to save about R3500. The Pharmacist was so nice and helpful( God Bless her) with the quotation. I have order my first pack of Lucrin will be it getting it tomorrow.