My faith in God

This past week i was asking myself questions lots of why's , it was too hard for me to understand why I got BFN because i did everything right prayed, confessed and even gave up coffee. All these past Seven years what kept me sane was my faith to God, i know he loves me and he wants best for me. Always when things get tough i get comfort from Him, he is my strength and my refugee. When i speak to him it seems like he understand best.

I spend most of yesterday talking to God and you know what i am feeling much better and i have made peace with the failed IVF. I though about the farmer, he will sow a seed on the ground and when the time/season is right he will reap the harvest. So i know when the time is right i will also have my children. The bible says "the shall be no barren in thine land". I believe the word of God, because it is true and it will come pass in my life.

One of these days my life will be the testimony of the Grace of God.

What now....

So yesterday i went to my follow up appointment with Dr J, we spent more than an hour with him but to tell you the truth it seems like most of the questions are still not answered. Basically Dr J said they will only have answers if we do another IVF. We got 12 eggs of which 9 fertilized which was fantastic news but the problem started after day 3, 7 eggs did not grow further. Even though we have 2 excellent embies but that does not exclude the issue of eggs quality. Again maybe it is just we had a bad bunch of eggs and next cycle it wouldn't happen. I hate this maybe things i need some answer. He also suggest that for our next cycle we use donor sperms for some eggs just to see the different between DH and donor.

So he have a lot to think about, especially coming to the issue of donor sperm, in my head the is this voice that what if we go ahead with donor sperm and we got the better quality than DH sperm what then...

DH wants us to do the next cycle right away but to tell the truth i am not sure if i am ready yet. I am still feeling sorry for myself my heart is so sore, i have been eating like a pig which make things worse. I just which that i can sleep away this problem.

Why it has to be so hard, to make thing worst my mother in law is now on our case. she has been suggesting that we go to see the Inyanga(traditional healer) , now she is pushing the issue. I am willing to do everything to have children but traditional healers is a NO NO.

BIG FAT NEGATIVE

Yesterday i tested and it was negative. I am going to see Dr J tomorrow and will see what is POA(plan of actions) Thank you Shaz, Lizzy, Nina, Lindi, Kholiwe, Ina, Isabel,Angie and Magda for all you support. May the good God continue to bless you all.

Spotting

I started spotting this afternoon and immediatly i did HPT and it came -tive. So the PMS was i sign that AF was on her way, i am going for blood test tomorrow morning not looking forward to more needles. I

Believe it or not

I have't POAS it has been 12 days since ET, ok today it did cross my mind to do it but I didn't. When i started the IVF process i promise myself that i will only POAS on the day of blood test. Thank you so much for all the sms and emails, in the beginning i wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell people that i know but I am happy that i did your support means so much to me. I am just surprise that you're unable to post responds, I am not really an expert in this computer thing so sorry i can't help there .

My blood test is schedule for Thursday(26). Today AF is due so awake up with full force of PMS, not sure if it really PMS on it is i my mind. I am trying not read anything from it.

The reason that i have't POAS is that these past 3 yrs the HPT's has played mind games with me.
1. The was this one time AF was late about 2 days and i did the HPT it was + and after 3hrs AF showed up .
2. In 2007 and 2008 i did 3 AI's in all of them i got + in HPT but come test day AF just showed up
3. Last December my IVF was cancelled due to over stimulation, AF was suppose to arrive mid January and a week later i tested with 3 different brands and guess what all of them was positive and the following day AF arrived

So you see want i mean about POAS, it seems like i trigger AF if i do them. I know some of you wanted to know how much it cost me for IVF . At the Clinic I payed just under R32K plus R4k for Meds from Dischem so all in all i payed R36k which including R7,8k for IVIG( the drip that i needed because DH and I share Similar antigens) if it was not for the IVIG i should have spend just under R29k. The bloods was covered by MA about R1k.,i did alot of blood test because i was closely monitored.

Exactly three years....

I was looking at my 2006 diary this morning and i had an 7 wks scan appointment. I can clearly remember that day i was so happy looking forward on seeing my baby but my happiness did not last for long. When i saw the expression on the Dr G i knew that something was wrong. The heart beat was there but the growth was behind by almost 2 wks. Exactly 4 days i started bleeding and the scan revealed that the baby has past on.

I was so angry with the myself and the Drs. , i remember when i went for DC i did want to wake up. It was so hard felt like a failure. We later on find out that DH and I share similar antigens. We were so relieved and started TTC immediately and ........ still no Babies.

Only two Embies made it to ET...

ET went well this morning, yesterday when i phoned the clinic they told me that all nine embies are doing well so this morning i was shocked to hear that only two have divided nicely. So we transferred two . "I am officially pregnant with twins" i have name them Seetja(means Light) and Tefo( Reward). Call me crazy but i am stay optimistic and positive that they will continue to develop to beautiful babies.

My nine Babies are doing well

Yippe my babies are doing well(OK i know they are called embryos at this stage ). I have to report to VL tomorrow morning for possible ET. I was so happy to just hear that my babies are doing well i didn't even ask about grading.

9 Fertilised

Yesterday i had ER and we harvested 12 eggs, i am giving God the glory for the nine that fertilised. I have to phone tomorrow to find out the progress.

Trigger tonight

So far so good with the IVF process, i am doing the trigger thing tonight. I am not really sure about the no. of follicles i have. Last Sunday when i did my first scan i had 11 bigger follicles, i was not really paying a lot of attention since then. I just told myself that if the Dr is happy i am happy. This time i made a promise to myself that i am not going to worry a lot but pray a lot .

On Thursday i had IVIG drip because DH and I share similar antigens which was the cause of my miscarriages. It was long four hours atleast hubby was there to keep me come company.

Thank God i am done with the injections.